Thursday, August 30, 2012

Wedding Speech (Bridesmaid Version)

This weekend my step sister will be marrying Ben. And a big portion of being a bridesmaid is writing a wedding speech. I'm not fond on writing about others and their relationships. However, take a few moments and have a few laughs...

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls. For those who don't know me my name is Misty and for those that do... well I apologize.

Foolishly, Ben and Jess have given me the great honor to join in on this very special day of theirs. Let me just say how grateful I am to have been chosen.

Unfortunately, those feeling have now gone out of the window and I stand here before you.. a little terrified.

I would just like to say a big 'Thank You' to everyone who came to share this special day with Ben and Jess. I'm sure you'll all agree that Jess looks absolutely stunning today. The groom however, just looks stunned. Right now I would like to ask for Ben and Jess to take part in my speech. Jess will you please place your  hand on the table. Ben will you please place your hand on top of hers.

I would like to ask you both to keep your hands in this position until the end of my speech and believe me Ben you will regret it if you don't. Instead of telling you a bunch of stories that can drag on forever, you will have to listen to my marital advice instead.In all honesty I'm probably the last person to ask for advice from. But, I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

Set the ground rules and establish who's boss - then do everything Jess says.
Married life can be compared to football.. Be fully committed every week and make sure that you SCORE every Saturday.
Remember the 5 rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the compromising, the children's swing and the enduring.
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers, she knows you're feeling guilty and she will remember, to the second, the last time you bought her some. AND the reason
Lastly, there are three words you must never forget. 'I Love you.'

And for you Jessica. I have 5 key tips to a successful marriage:
Find a man who will treat you right and always stand by your side.
A man who will shower you with gifts and compliments.
A man who will comfort you in times of troubles.
A man who will please you and grant your every request.
Most importantly, make sure that each man does not know the other ones names.

Are your hands still together??? GOOD!

It has been an honor and privilege to be here today. Thanks again to both of you.
I think you will all agree that today, Ben truly is the best best man and apart from Jess being the most stunning in the room, she is also the luckiest.

In case any of you were wondering why I asked Ben to place his hand on top of Jessica's. I will tell you now. Ben, as my final role, it has been with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last five minutes in which you will ever have the upper hand over Jess. Having said that... Please stand up and raise your glasses to Mr. and Mrs. Jackson!!

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